What About Lesbian Bed Death? by Suzanne Magee

It seems like almost any conversation about the nuts and bolts of Lesbian sexuality almost always leads to some mention, however muted, of 'Lesbian Bed Death'.
The mere utterance of the term is enough to make any single and sexually active Lesbian cringe at the thought and the term itself carries such negative imagery that it's not hard to understand why.
If you get right down to the facts, there is no recognized medical diagnosis called 'Lesbian Bed Death'. There is a recognized diagnosis called 'female sexual dysfunction' and the symptoms allegedly attributed to LBD certainly apply to that diagnosis. However, female sexual dysfunction is not a Lesbian oddity, and actually affects close to 4 out of 10 women in the US according to the Mayo Clinic's Website.

To understand how a loss in libido occurs for women, you have to understand how the opposite effects on libido occur as well. When we first become attracted to someone, our brains release Dopamine and Norepinephrine.
The release of these 2 chemicals account for the elation, intense energy, sleeplessness, craving, loss of appetite and focused attention we feel during this period. With men the release of these chemicals happens much faster than women because of their visual nature when it come to the opposite sex. The chemical brew surging around our brains at this time is very close to that of obsessive-compulsive people. Now there's a scary thought.

As the relationship progresses to sex, oxytocin is released during orgasm. Oxytocin is responsible for creating emotional bonds and healthy interpersonal relationships. Women release more oxytocin than men during sex, which may explain why they tend to bond much easier at this point in the relationship. Some researchers believe that this is why men can dump a woman after a one night stand so easily, they take longer to form that emotional bond than women do.
As a relationship progresses, vasopressin is released, and seems to be responsible for those long term, monogamous bonds that so many people long for.
There are some studies seem to imply that vasopressin and oxytocin interfere with the dopamine and norepinephrine pathways, which explains why passionate love fades in about 6 months to a year. Endorphines are also released during sex. They provide a feeling of well being, and combined with oxytocin provide strong feelings of attachment.
Other MRI studies, conducted in 2006-7 by Dr. Lucy Brown, a professor in the department of neurology and neuroscience at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York, and her colleagues, revealed that the caudate and the ventral tegmental, brain areas involved in cravings (e.g., for food) and the secretion of dopamine, are lit up in subjects who view photos of their loved ones.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that affects pleasure and motivation. It causes a sensation akin to a substance-induced high, and there is a growing body of evidence that would indicate that physical love is very closely akin to addiction as far as our bodies are concerned. Falling in love involves the enhanced secretion of b-Phenylethylamine (PEA, or the "love chemical") in the first 2 to 4 years of the relationship.
What it all boils down to is that our bodies function in a way that encourages us to find a suitable mate, and to procreate. We are chemically driven to seek out that sexual relationship and to have sex as often as possible in the early going, in our bodies hopes to fulfill what it perceives to be the ultimate goal: the continuation of the species.
It's sad, but our bodies are chemically driven to procreate, not necessarily to be happy. Even though what we "want" is a stable, compassionate, fulfilling, monogamous relationship, our bodies aren't necessarily geared to provide those emotional desires to us.. The early parts of a relationship are chemically supported, later on, we're on our own.

Lesbian women are no different than heterosexual women, and singling us out as the recipients of "bed death" is an attempt at labeling of the worst kind in my opinion. The reality is that one of the biggest problems in heterosexual relationships is a loss of female libido, perhaps in a lesbian relationship that translates into less sex than it does in a heterosexual relationship perhaps because lesbians may be less likely to engage in sex just to appease their partners. How many straight women do you know that have sex with their husbands to prevent an argument, or because it's expected? How many straight men do you know who would have sex with their partners without really caring if it's something they truly want at the moment?
No doubt that human love is more complex than the chemical signals that our bodies send us when we meet, have sex, fall in love, and build lives together. But it's where we start, and underlying all of our interactions both early on in a relationship and later, it's there. So what can we do about it?
I believe that talking about a loss in libido that is affecting your life, or causing you stress, should be discussed honestly with your primary care physician. Having that conversation with your Doctor can open up new doors for you in your sexual life. There are proven therapies out there for women who have a loss of libido, like hormone therapies (including testosterone), but the first step is always to rule out physical issues with your physician.

It's never easy for any woman to address sexual dysfunction with someone, even a Doctor. It can be especially difficult for a lesbian. Fear of prejudice or ridicule can keep a lesbian from discussing sexual issues with their Doctor, and that's not acceptable. If you're Doctor isn't accepting of your life and willing to help you the same way they would a heterosexual, then you need a new Doctor not just to address this issue, but to ensure that all of your health needs are treated with concern and respect.

If you ask me if I think LBD exists, I'd have to say no. I do believe that loss of libido for women who are in stable sexual relationships, of any kind, exists and is experienced by a very large population of women in this country.
It's not a lesbian problem, it's just a problem that seems to come up for women who find themselves finally in a stable relationship, and their bodies stop reinforcing the drive to mate with a chemical cocktail that drives us toward sex, but it doesn't have to mean the end of sexual intimacy, and there is help for women who are experiencing it in a way that disrupts their lives and their relationships. You don't have to just accept it as a part of your life, talk to your Doctor about it!